Sugar and Spite

Ok. Look, I’m not exactly angry at you guys. I’m more hurt than anything. I didn’t think I needed to tell you that when something happens as rad as Tommy ‘the Gnome’ Hilfiger going batshit crazy and totally whaling on Axel Rose, I am to be informed of this as soon as it happens.

You guys let me down.

Do you know what the saddest part is? I totally love the Hilfiger clothes. I can’t mash my fat ass into them, but I seem to harbor a secret desire to play polo or something totally preppy and striped and clean. When in reality, I’m kinda like, whoa, horses totally look smaller on TV, so no thanks can we do some go-karting instead? And oops, I just spilled chili on my white preppy polo shirt.

Ok. Actually, that’s not the saddest part. The saddest part is that Axel used to be a smoking hot badass. Do you think Welcome to the Jungle Axel would have let Tommy Preppy Douchebag Hilfiger land a single crazy punch on him? We both know the answer to that, and it’s that Hilfiger is taking his testicles home in a doggy bag, cause Axel would destroy him.

Do you know where it all went wrong? The whistle solo in Patience. Dudes. Whistling is not hard-core. I can’t remember what the Patience video was like, but I imagine Slash is in the background rolling his eyes. Not that you could tell, of course.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 30th, 2006 at 10:10 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.