Sugar and Spite

Sometimes, my Dad likes to give me dating advice. This is always horrific and annoying. But later, after several drinks, it’s kind of funny. Horrible and funny. Because my poor daddy got stuck in some sort of Southern fifties time warp.

My Daddy’s Tips For Getting a Man–

Smile at people more.
Be nicer.
Don’t scare them with how much you know about things.
Try not to talk about weird things.
Be less fat.

I’m not sure how long I’m required to keep this charade going. Probably until I trick the poor bastard into giving up a ring.

How happy would this guy be anyway, when he realized that his smiley, sweet wife who doesn’t care about the upcoming robot massacre is actually a babbly, occasionally scowly, VERY concerned about the robots, and slightly obsessed with zombies, crazypants?

If you don’t think an long-term robot phobia and a neurotic devotion to listmaking is cute, well. I’m not the girl for you, baby.

I’d probably destroy you at Smash Brothers anyway, and when you cry for your mommy cause I smacked you down so hard you got a nosebleed? That’s not sexy.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 25th, 2006 at 10:27 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.